Every now and again God does something really profound.
Sunday was one of those days.
Things haven’t exactly been as easy as pie these last few months. I’ve handed in my notice at work and while I now have an interim plan to keep me from being entirely job-less, there’s still a big question of “what next?” hanging over my life at the moment. Some people are expecting me to keep climbing the ladder, others are wondering if this is finally the time for me to go overseas and do what I’ve been talking about doing for years. The truth is I don’t know. I don’t have a plan really.
I’ve made a couple of potentially bold choices in recent weeks that seem to be narrowing my options and I have a few people wondering what I’m playing at. But I’m following what feels right. It definitely scares me sometimes, but as my friend keeps saying “Good news Sarah, God’s not worried”. Well, yes…but I am!
So back to Sunday.
It started with a conversation with Olivia in the afternoon (how we met is another story for another time, but was totally one of those profound moments that had me a little stunned at God’s orchestration). We chatted things through; my fears, doubts and insecurities about what’s going on, my need of some kind of confirmation that I was doing the right thing and some general direction for what next. It was great, we talked about a lot of identity stuff and she pointed out that what I really needed was for God to speak into the situation. I needed something more than just my own attempt to sort things out or make things happen. I wasn’t in a place where I felt able to move forward on my own or deal with some of the things that were weighing me down, so she told me to go and wait on God and let him speak.
So I did. I went off to KingsGate Church in the evening. No one knew me there and I was quite content to just create some uninterrupted space where I could focus. Worship was great. A couple were visiting, talking about a recent trip to Sierra Leone. My ears pricked up at the mention of Africa and I listened to their story happily.
At the end of the service Ryan, the leader of the church, got up and started to close things up and share his thoughts. But then he looked over at me sitting in my chair and stopped. In front of everyone he asked me my name. He smiled and said “God’s got His hand on you right now – for this kind of stuff right? (pointing at the screen with pics from Africa on it) He’s all over you right now. We’re gonna pray for you because God’s doing something here”. Tears just started rolling down my cheeks. He carried on a little longer then pulled me up the front and closed the meeting. He gathered a few different people around and introduced them…”This is Matt, he just seems to open up Heaven”. I love that. They gathered round and started to pray, and as they did they just spoke into each of the things Olivia and I had chatted about earlier…the things she’d told me to go and wait on God for. They shared words and pictures they believed God had for me that were right on the mark. Ridiculously so, it was amazing. They spoke about things they couldn’t possibly have known about. They affirmed decisions and gave practical and poignant advice. One of the girls sang the most beautiful song over me and for over half an hour they prayed and shared prophecies and words. It was exciting, it was liberating, it was profound. God was doing something that felt pretty big and they seemed as excited by it as I was!
There were things I’d been holding on to for years that seemed to fall away in a moment. God spoke things that evening that I’ll remember forever.
Almost more importantly than what was said, I was reminded through it all that God has His eye on me and of how much I am loved by Him. I was reminded in quite a powerful way that God is invested in my life; He isn’t an abstract idea or a man in the sky who is distant and uninterested. He is a God who is very much involved and able to speak into any situation. I was reminded of who He is and who I am in Him. And that was what I’d needed more than anything.
It makes me laugh how things panned out on Sunday. I still can’t quite put 2 and 2 together with my phone call with Olivia and what happened in the evening. Its just one of those God things.
There’s a lot of stuff to work through from that night – big things were said that need to be weighed up with others. But wow, how different I felt walking out of that building.
I love it. Its just God being God.